for my close friends

they will know one thing that always been bugging me 

since i was young, maybe in the primary

i do not have good and straight backbone FYI

and i only got to know when i was having the medical check-up during primary school

remember that the nurses will ask you to bend over 

and they will hold a ruler look alike thingy and run down your backbone

i received the very first referred letter to General Hospital 

done with full body check up plus x-ray and stuff

when report was out
the bones are not in the correct place, somewhere near the spine area

everything seems to be fine. no pain no nothing yet 

maybe back then i was still young

when ages is catching up with me 

like now
at the very first beginning
i only feel like back ache and stuff
in the later part 

i started to suffer from back pain, leg cramps and all

like when in the middle of the night while am still sleeping 

i suddenly cant feel my right legs 

or i cannot sit up when i wake up

like cannot straight away get up from bed

all these nightmares started when i was in secondary school 

it got worsen is because i joined military band 

marching with heavy instruments and all kind of stuff

pain killers and all injections have been my tibits over the years

been through too many checkup and consultations 

transfer medical opinion to Raffles Hospital doesn't help 

cause i know the only cure is to do orthopaedic surgery
well.due to a result of my nerves are been so called 'PRESS' against my backbone
oh well.the surgery

but i just don't wanna do that 

a long scar from neck to spine 

not about beauty side 

its just that am not ready to lay down on the cold operation table 

and let the surgeon cut me open on my back 

it doesn't hurt 24/7

only on those rainy days, i sit for too long, carry heavy stuff and such

don't be puzzled, am not going for the op 

am just posting this is because i suddenly feel aching on my back again 

and the numbness on my legs

oh well, am kinda worried now. 

this picture is how they gonna cut me on my back 

the orthopaedic surgery. can be quite disturbing. 

if you cant take it, 

don't force yourself.

maybe after doing that i can be friend with X-MAN